– The Importance of Family of Origin in Marriage Therapy

Last Updated on November 4, 2019 by Chris Roberts

WHY KNOWING ABOUT OUR PAST IS HELPFUL FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE TN

It can seem entirely cliché to discuss family of origin issues in marriage counseling in Nashville, TN.  It is after all, therapy.  And many people’s stereotypes of counseling always having to deal with the past and with your parents is well-known and well mocked.  The problem with clichés sometimes is that they are actually true.

Most qualified marriage therapists in Nashville know this cliché, along with the popular phrases “mommy issues” and “daddy issues.”  As such, especially these days, most therapists don’t have to bring up the past or bring up the topic of mother or father.  I have found over and over again in my practice, that left unaddressed in my work with marriages, one or the other spouse will inevitably bring up either their parents or their partner’s parents.  I believe, and other marriage therapists would agree, that I can do great work with couples without having to intentionally address the parental systems of each partner.  Usually in marriage counseling, the clients will bring up the issues that are most important to them at the appropriate time.  And yet, without fail, one or both marital partners will ultimately bring up some family of origin, whether it be their own or their spouses.

This article about marriage counseling in Nashville, Tennessee doesn’t address the need to bring up family of origin issues in marital therapy.  This article will serve to explain why family of origin issues spring up organically during almost every course of treatment.

Family of origin issues are important in marriage counseling in Nashville, TN, because as humans, we are creatures of habit.  Being habitual, we always contain some part of our routine as a learned pattern from those we spend the most time with.  And it follows, that most of us spend the majority of the first 8 to 15 years of our lives being influenced and impacted by our parents.  For better or worse, we are a product of our parent’s influence, and our parent’s parents influence, and our parent’s parent’s parents influence.  It’s impossible to escape.  We can fight it, run from, dismiss it, and disregard it, but at the end of the day, we will incorporate some part of their influence into our lives.  This is not a bad thing.  It is not an unhealthy thing.  Of course, if we don’t understand that many of the things we do are simply a by-product of our up-bringing, then we may be inclined to believe that the way we do things is the “right” way, or the “best” way, or the “only” way.  And those beliefs oftentimes are the greatest source of conflict among spouses.

A good deal of the work accomplished in marriage therapy in Nashville is not disavowing our parent’s influence on our lives, but rather actually accepting it.  If each spouse is willing to stop and take a step back and see their actions for their origins, then usually both spouses are much more willing to consider the other side’s opinion.

Marriage counseling does not have to be as dire and ultimatum-driven as most stereotypes project onto it.  Sometimes, the best Nashville marriage therapy can simply be about understanding our own come-froms, and thereby being more willing to enter into healthy conversation with our spouse.