– A Description of True Marriage: A Nashville Marriage Counseling Perspective

Last Updated on March 16, 2018 by Chris Roberts

A BEAUTIFUL AND REALISTIC PORTRAYAL OF MARRIAGE THROUGH NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING

Reference: “After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust when a Partner has been Unfaithful.” 2012. Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.

There are many ways to describe and portray marriage. It’s a journey, an adventure, a life-long soul search, or a people-growing process. All of these are great descriptions of the length and effort and energy required to create a true, enjoyable marriage. In a fantastic book about marriage by Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, she quotes Cheryl Mercer’s description of marriage, and I think it is as close to perfect as one can get. She writes,

“When I think about marriage, what I long for most, strangely enough, is not an elevated spiritual union with a [person]; that’s a fantasy not readily envisioned. What seems wondrous to me instead are the small, shared rituals that bind [two people] in familiar intimacy, the borders inside which they make love, choose furniture, plan vacations, quarrel over closet space, share the toothpaste, celebrate Christmas the same way they did last year. I’ve been in love myself, so I know something of what it’s like to build a life together—the private jokes, the friends you share, knowing in advance which of you make the coffee and which goes for the paper, even the comfortable tedium of hearing his or her favorite story yet again. To promise to share forever the small—not only the grand—moments of life seems to me profoundly human, more intimate even than making love with someone for the first time.” (p. 79)

AS GOOD AS MARRIAGE GETS THROUGH NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING

We all need to feel the romantic, sensual surge of life and sex and relationship. We need those extreme highs that infuse energy into our daily lives. However, in reality, marriage doesn’t provide those feelings anywhere close to a consistent manner. Every so often, we will feel that spark of electricity, that magical connection with our spouse. But most of life is made up of “familiar intimacy,” as Cheryl Mercer so eloquently puts it. The private jokes and friends you share become the intimacy that makes a life with another person so fulfilling and intimate and deep.

FINDING INTIMACY IN THE DARK CORNERS

Life, nor marriage, is meant to be mundane though. Mercer is talking about an appreciation and understanding of the vast intricacies and knowledge that occurs when spending your entire life with another person. When, however, we stop talking about our little details, when we shut down our simple smiles, and when we don’t reach out for a soft hand from our spouse, we have transformed familiar intimacy into comfortable monotony. There is so much life and specialness and uniqueness to everyday…if we will only stop to look and listen and learn.   In each day, if we pay attention, there are tiny deaths, little surprises, sharp pain, and blushing joy. To be able to share all of these experiences each and every day with the one we love is an incredible intimacy. But, sometimes, we lose sight of these little miracles, both good and bad, that happen everyday. And then we forget that sharing them with another person that cares for us is the essence of a beautiful marriage.

LOOKING FOR HELP WITH NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING

If you have noticed that your marriage looks more like comfortable monotony than familiar intimacy, then Nashville marriage counseling may be beneficial to you. Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville would love the opportunity to work with you in restoring a sense of connection and intimacy that every marriage deserves. Chris can be reached at chris@nashvillecounselor.net or (615) 800-9260.

photo courtesy of: Marie-Sophie Tekian via Unsplash