– Appreciating Our Past Through Marriage Counseling in Nashville TN

Last Updated on November 29, 2014 by Chris Roberts

APPRECIATING OUR PAST THROUGH MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE TN

Most people are pretty adverse to discussing their past in marriage counseling in Nashville TN. When a couple comes to counseling for their marriage there is usually a precipitating event that has led both partners to feel frustration and tension. They just want this tension to go away. Both partners become award-winning journalists at describing all the ways each have hurt the other during their time together. From the moment they met to the current time, there is a profound need to recall, with accuracy and relevancy, all the events that have culminated into the precipitating event. Yet, almost always, both partners are quite dismissal of discussing how their childhood, adolescence and formative years might have any impact on their current behavior. It’s understandable. Thinking about our past feels tricky, and our memories aren’t perfect, and our partner wasn’t around when these previous events transpired. We want a quick fix, understandably, and talking about our formative years seems like moving in the wrong direction.

We all fight for a reason. Most of the time we think that the fighting between partners is a result of our partner specifically and only. We want it to be! Because, if our partner is the ONLY reason we are fighting, then our partner can change and our relationship will be better! We all have a burning desire for this to be true. It would make at least that much easier. The difficulty is, however, this is rarely all of the truth. The ways we fight are as important as the fight itself. But just as true, the ways we love are as important as the love we experience. We were all taught HOW to love and to fight and to care and to dismiss and to harm. I believe we all have the same level of desire to love and care. That’s a primal gift we are endowed with at birth. But the ways in which we act out our feelings of love and care and fighting and hate is learned. We learn it from everything in our environment the moment we are conceived. Even as we are in our mother’s womb, we are learning about care and anxiety and fear and love.

OUR PAST WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF MARRIAGE COUNSELNG IN NASHVILLE TN

Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, our past will always be affecting our counseling sessions. We can’t escape it. Our past is never an excuse for the ways we harm our spouse, but is always highly informative. If we are just willing to accept the notion that our past is always with us, then we can begin to notice the ways in which our patterns from the past can get in the way of understanding the present. Everyone hates to change. It’s just a universal truth. Our marriage partner will continually get in the way of us trying to be same! Even the ways our partner loves us won’t fall in line with the ways we’ve been loved in the past. If we aren’t aware that the ways we like to be loved were formed from our original care givers, we can become stuck in the frustration that our partner is “doing it wrong!” And a moment of intended love by our partner can turn into an ugly fight or argument.

Of course, not all fights and arguments are directly influenced by our past. That is not the point. If we are not acutely aware of the possibility that most tension within our marriage may be closely tied to our past, we blind ourselves to the life raft that can keep us afloat during these trying times. Just the act of wondering if something from our past is influencing our current predicament, we can gain a little altitude on the situation and not get so engrossed in the argument. So much of what’s needed during times of distress in our marriage is the ability to step back and see different possibilities. This is no where as easy as it sounds. It’s quite easy to write about it now, when things are quiet and calm. It’s a much different story when emotions are high and frustration is boiling over.

HOW MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE TN CAN HELP

One of the most important benefits of a marriage counseling session is a third party who can have more perspective on the situation.   The hope is that over time each partner learns how to activate that sense of perspective themselves during times of conflict. Sometimes, though, we need a little help in getting the ball rolling in the right direction. If you are looking for marriage counseling in Nashville, Tn, Chris Roberts would love to be of help. Chris is a licensed professional marriage counselor in Nashville with experience helping couples work through difficult situations. Chris would love to work with you or point you in the best direction that fits your needs.