– How Sex Can Be Better After You Are Married

Last Updated on May 4, 2023 by Chris Roberts

HOW MARRIAGE THERAPY CAN USE SOME COMMON SEX IDEAS

References “25 Reasons Why Married Sex is Better.” Online article In Redbook. By Rosa Heyman

For reasons too many to discuss in this article, most people assume that once a person is married, their enjoyment of sex will take a major hit.  The idea of marriage counseling in this context may not prove otherwise.  Most people assume that they wouldn’t have to be in marriage counseling unless at least a part of their frustration was in the bedroom.  However, in this wonderful online article in Redbook entitled, “25 Reasons Why Married Sex is Better,” by Rosa Heyman, there are at least some people out there who are willing to argue that married sex could be even better than single sex!

In pop culture articles such as this, a good marriage therapist should be jumping for joy that someone other than pastors or counselors are touting the richness that can be attained through sex in marriage.  In the Bible Belt in the south, including Nashville, Tennessee, it is commonly proclaimed that marital sex is as good or better than unwed sex, but I’m not quite sure if anyone really believes it.  When we as Nashville marriage counselors run across secular and nationally syndicated articles such as these, it comes as a great relief to know that we are not just living in a bubble…or under a rock.  In a fantastic book called “Passionate Marriage” by David Schnarch, he refers to some couples’ long-term, monogamous sex as “wall-socket sex,” meaning that the way BOTH partners feel when having sex is akin to being jolted by an electrical outlet.

So, just what are some of the reasons why married sex is better than single sex and how would that line up with marriage counseling’s stance?  A few reasons the author writes are, “Morning sex anytime you want it—you share the same bed!”  And, “The touch in the kitchen, the look during carpool, the accidental innuendo that thankfully goes above your kids ’ heads, the flirty emails—it all makes it so much hotter when you finally can get each other alone.” And one of the best reasons, “He knows…how to turn you on.  You’ve had a lot of practice together, after all.”  This last reason is probably the most legitimate, but it also might be the most difficult.

One of the most difficult and uncomfortable conversations in marriage counseling is a married couple’s sex life.  Sex can provide an incredible window into the overall functioning of a marriage.  The final reason listed above is absolutely true, but the opposite is usually the most common.  Often, a marriage partner will use what they know their spouse wants in sex AGAINST them.  By being with our spouse for so many years, we intuitively pick up on what our spouse enjoys and what does not connect through sex.  And sometimes, a marriage partner will intentionally withhold certain sexual actions exactly because they know their spouse enjoys it.  The good news is that a great marriage counselor can even use this information to help a couple.

If you are like many couples and your married sex is not as good as you dreamed or hoped, a qualified marriage therapist can help you work through some of your difficulties.  Chris Roberts is a marriage counselor in Nashville, TN and would love the opportunity to speak with you about your concerns and determine if he, or someone else in the Nashville area could be of help.