– How to Help Love Grow in Your Marriage

Last Updated on August 30, 2020 by Chris Roberts

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO GROW YOUR LOVE THROUGH MARRIAGE THERAPY IN NASHVILLE, TN?

References “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.” By John M. Gottman, Ph.D.

Marriage counseling in Nashville, TN is a growth of love.  Most of us have no idea what it takes to be in love, much less how to keep a marriage abundant and life-giving for decades upon decades.  Thank goodness!!  Most people would probably never enter into the commitment of marriage if they knew the effort and work involved.  That in no way implies that marriage and love aren’t worth it.  Just ask people who have been through the horrors of divorce, and then choose to get marriage again, learn more about texas divorce laws.  We are hard-wired for love and connection.  That doesn’t mean we need to get married in order to be happy.  It just means that we, as humans, need to find ways to love and be loved by someone or something.  We all know the longing to be loved by our parents, even if they are terrible parents or were never present due to adoption or death.

The question becomes: What actually goes into making our love with our spouse grow?  The answer lies in both our willingness to love with them and willingness to fight with them.  We have to learn how we best give love to our spouse AND to learn best how they receive love.  We also have to learn how to fight in ways that promote honesty and transparency.  Both are a lifetime of work.   A friend of mine once talked about how the ancient Greeks created myths with gods who were both gods of love and gods of war at the same time!  I think that is a beautiful picture of a thriving marriage.  Marriage is both love and war.  Dr. Gottman, in a wonderful book called, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” says, “In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning.  They don’t just “get along” – they also support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together…Very often a marriage’s failure to do this is what causes husband and wife to find themselves in endless, useless rounds of argument or to feel isolated and lonely in their marriage.” (p. 23)

Already, Dr. Gottman is attending to the work of love by stating that it has to do with creating a sense of purpose into each other’s lives.  Of course loving looks like listening attentively, buying gifts for each other, being encouraging, and physical tenderness.  But loving also looks like fighting for what you believe in, and working your belief to the bone with your spouse until you both come out on the other side with a better appreciation of how each marriage partner operates.  Loving is not the absence of war or fighting.  That would actually be the death of marriage.  As humans, we have these deep, unfurling, chaotic desires and longings.  As we get older, we change and adapt.  As we change and adapt, our understanding of our desires morphs and develops.  We aren’t the same person today as we were 10 years ago.  It’s not possible to be the same.  But as we change, we are clumsy in our transitions and new actions.  Most times, our war with our spouse is out of our efforts to become more fully ourselves while still trying to stay connected with that person we have committed to being with for our entire lives.  In its essence, love is chaotic and irrational.  We have to learn to become okay with love’s demands and craziness.

WHAT CAN MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE DO?

Marriage counseling in Nashville, TN can help a couple put into perspective the ways they fight and the ways they love.  A good marriage therapist can help interpret these outlandish and crazy feelings that any good couple will have between themselves.  Marriage therapy can be a safe place for couples to more fully understand how they interact with their spouse and why!