– How We Might Learn to Use Little White Lies Through Therapy In Nashville, TN

Last Updated on July 31, 2018 by Chris Roberts

DISCOVERING WHERE WE MIGHT HAVE LEARNED TO LIE, EVEN WHEN NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG

By: Chris Roberts, MACP, LPC-MHSP (Licensed Professional Counselor) Two Trees Counseling Nashville

Most people have some familiarity with using little white lies. When we are little lying is a form of individuation and learning the boundaries of our existence. We are figuring out what we can get away with and the limitations of our parent’s omnipotence (although we wouldn’t call it that when we are young.) Lying is just one of the many experiments we undertake in growing up.

For some people though, they may inadvertently learn to lie, because the thing they are doing isn’t accepted by their parents, even though the action isn’t wrong or bad. For example, I may enjoy listening to the pop radio station in my city, but my parents believe it is morally wrong to listen to such lyrics and beats. So, I “sneak” away and listen to my favorite pop radio station, but when confronted by my parents I tell them “no” I would never do that. Of course, in the moment, the option is available for me to look them in the eyes and say calmly, “yes, I listened to that station, because I believe there is nothing wrong with it.” But, I know I will also be punished, because it is their rule.

THE PROBLEM WITH GROWING UP

The problem with getting older is we realize some of the things we thought and believed weren’t actually wrong or bad or immoral, even though our parents told us there were harmful. During these critical junctures we can shift into being more honest with ourselves and others and take on the risk of being shunned or judged for our benign actions. Or, we can infuse the discrediting paradigm of our parents into all of those around us. We can imagine that everyone around us will misunderstand our motives and intuitions, and therefore lead us to tell them what we think they want to hear rather than what actually happened.

DOES THIS REALLY MATTER?

This is by no means a major tactical error in navigating life. We can have very fulfilling lives and relationships even as we perpetuate these little white lies every now and then. The only reason it might matter is when we don’t give those closest to us the option of seeing our true selves. We can keep the secret to ourselves that we aren’t doing anything wrong, but our loved ones will never know what we are up to. It’s a difficult situation, because we aren’t doing anything wrong, but we’ve been trained to fear that others will rush to judgment according to their own beliefs. We can live our lives being right about the fact we aren’t doing anything wrong, but it might diminish some aspects of intimacy we are craving.

UNDERSTANDING OUR HUMANITY THROUGH THERAPY IN NASHVILLE, TN      

One of the benefits of individual therapy in Nashville, TN is learning that most of the things we do in life have an origination in a reasonable context. Even with the best motives our parents can inadvertently bestow unhealthy patterns onto us. We are all informed and influenced heavily by our parents. We cannot escape this. Nashville individual therapy can help us discover these patterns and then make more informed choices about their continuance. Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville has worked with many people regarding this issue and others. If you find yourself stuck in similar patterns, you can reach out to Chris at chris@nashvillecounselor.net or (615) 800-9260.