– Imagination as Ally in Nashville Couples Counseling

IMAGINATION AS ALLY IN NASHVILLE COUPLES COUNSELING

In Nashville couples counseling, it can be so easy to get bogged down into the details of everyday life. Each day there are so many things we do to harm each other, both intentionally and unintentionally. One of the biggest hurdles for new couples entering Nashville couples counseling is to understand that going through each and every hurt isn’t effective or possible. When we are hurt by our significant other, we want them to understand how and why they have hurt us. This is entirely appropriate. Sweeping all of our pains and wounds under the old proverbial rug won’t lead us to an enjoyable relationship. Sometimes, however, being able to get outside the daily rituals of life and see the greater schemes working in and through our lives can be so helpful. Our imagination can be our greatest asset in getting outside ourselves and even our relationship.

In a brilliant book by David Whyte entitled, “The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self, and Relationship,” he describes how this concept of imagination can be so helpful and sometimes necessary. He writes, “The imagination and its ability to discern bigger underlying patterns is just as important if not more important than a firm grasp of the details of what we want. The mighty interior wish is more important than mere outward details that seem to tell other that you haven’t a clue what you are doing.”(p. 139) The imagination can lead us back to our original plans for having a loving partner. Before we got stuck in the rituals of daily life, we dreamed in a world where life and love were full of adventure and companionship. Obvoiusly, we can’t live our life entirely with our head in the clouds. That method is just the same as sweeping everything under the rug.

DOES NASHVILLE COUPLES COUNSELING REALLY LET US PLAY?

In order to use our imagination, we must be willing to play. We must be willing to put down our skepticism, our cynicism, and our “knowledge” about the “way life works.” For those of us that have been coupled for many years, it is so easy to get stuck in the rut of seeing all the ways that we are different from our partner. It is so easy to see and remember all the ways they have let us down, frustrated us, and harmed us. Whether we can name the harm and frustration for what they are, we still remember, either consciously or subconsciously. It takes guts and courage and vulnerability to imagine again, especially with our partner.

But David so eloquently puts into words the downfall of not being able to do this. If we aren’t able to ground ourselves back into our ability to “discern bigger underlying patterns,” then we will be stuck in the myriad of details that drown out our creative and imaginative self. Most couples I work with love each other deeply and want the best for each other. However, most couples have lost sight of this reality. I believe we fear to use our imagination again, because we become “certain” that we will fail and be disappointed. We believe that our dreams are for little kids, not for “mature” adults. As such, we suffer the demise of the great words of Mark Twain, “Most men die at 27. We just bury them at 72.”

If you are having trouble playing and dreaming with your partner, then Nashville couples counseling may be the jump start you need to get back on the path of a healthy relationship. Chris Roberts is Nashville couples counselor with many years helping couples learn to dream and imagine again. Sometimes Nashville couples counseling is hard and dreary and painful, but it can also be fun and exciting and playful. If you want to learn to use your imagination again with your partner, then Chris may be able to be of help.