– Individual Counseling Perspective: The Present Moment

You Are There

By: Erica Jong

You are there.

You have always been there.

Even when you thought

you were climbing

you had already arrived.

Even when you were breathing hard,

you were at rest.

Even then it was clear

you were there.

Its not in our nature to know what

Is journey and what is arrival.

Even if we knew

we would not admit it.

Even if we lived we would think

we were just germinating.

To live is to be uncertain.

Certainty comes at the end.

This is another poem along the same theme as my previous post.  It delivers a more concrete statement at the end, “To live is to be uncertain.”  I enjoy the provocative final line, “Certainty comes at the end.”  It implies the sentiment, “You want certainty?  Oh, you’ll get it.  And then you’ll be dead.”  It’s playful and powerful and holds a provocatively condescending tone.  Great poems (and artists) have the ability to do this- sneak in truths just under our judgmental and defensive structures.

What are these poets getting at?  I believe they are touching on our enduring longing for a clear and concise path in which we can follow to know how to live a good life or be a good person.  We want a path that can reduce our tension and our stress.  We want a path that ensures we are getting what we want out of life.  We want a path that can eliminate all the damn noise and frustration and complications of living out this intricate and complex and mystifying life.

And yet, this poet is saying, “To live is to be uncertain.”  In many ways, this poet is saying THE path is uncertainty.  To live, to be fully alive, to be fully engaged, to even have some sense that you are on the right path, is determined by the ability to accept and dwell in uncertainty.  What a confusing paradox.  And in many ways, I think it grates against the natural and intuitive parts of ourselves that believe life should flow more easily, or, if we work, think, try hard enough, there will be at least points of certainty that help guide our lives.

Therapy, in and of itself, is quite a paradox.  We come to therapy for help, for healing, and for some semblance of calm or contentment.  Many people even start therapy looking for clear and straightforward answers.  But, what we quickly find is that to discover contentment or healing, we must first travel through the waters of pain and disappointment and disruption.  And not only that, but in order to find the deepest healing, that is truly transformative, we must be able to more generously embrace the paradox that those who have hurt us, are also human beings too, who have been hurt and are hurting.  To accept those people as humans who are also hurting does not, IN ANY WAY, reduce the pain and harm that we have received from them.  In fact, if we remain committed to our healing journey, we may find the pain we thought we felt from their actions is only scratching the surface of deep anguish we have actually experienced from their actions.

If you have questions about therapy, or are on the fence about starting your therapy journey, please feel free to reach out to Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville.  Chris has over 15 years of working with people in Nashville, TN and also virtually, with anyone in the state of Tennessee.  Chris can answer your specific questions about individual or couples therapy, or he can direct you to someone who might be a best fit for your situation.  Chris can be reached at (615) 800-9260 or at chris@nashvillecounselor.net.