– Is It Normal to be Sad During the Holidays?

By: Chris Roberts, MACP, LPC-MHSP (Masters of Arts in Counseling and Psychology.  Licensed Professional Counselor with Mental Health Service Provider designation) Two Trees Counseling Nashville.  Relational Psychodynamic Therapy Certified Therapist Trainer and Consultant.

 

HOLIDAYS, HAPPINESS, HOPE, HOORAH, AND…..SADNESS?

Is it normal to be sad during the holidays?  Unfortunately, the answer is yes.  Not for everyone, mind you.  At least I hope not.  But in my line of work as a licensed professional counselor in Nashville, yes, I see many people who are sad and tearful and experience grief during the holidays.  The good news is that most of these people also feel joy and happiness and the tenderness of loved ones.  Usually, it is not all or nothing.  But to those of us who also feel sad, or who feel more sadness than lightness, the holidays can feel not only painful, but also lonely.  It is definitely not popular to acknowledge your sadness to others during the holidays.  But, to be clear, sadness is very, very different than grumpy, or whiny, or curmudgeonly, or ungrateful, or pouty.

Precisely because the holidays are supposed to be filled with so much laughter and cheer and joy, it highlights any aspect of our lives that isn’t filled with those upbeat and enjoyable emotions.  The holidays come with months and months of expectation and anticipation.  So much momentum builds for that exuberant moment when sunshine and laughter and excitement burst forth.  And those are truly spectacular moments that make all the effort and planning and waiting worth it.  Hopefully, all of us, no matter how much the sadness creeps in, get some glimpses and warmth from those moments.

WHAT COULD BE SAD ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS?  ARE THERAPISTS JUST RUINING THE DAY?

Ha!  If you aren’t used to sadness creeping in during the holidays, then you probably aren’t reading this article.  Or, maybe you stumbled across this post, because you are wanting to understand your loved ones better during the holiday season.  If you are the second, then you are a remarkably curious and generous person!  You have decided to imagine that maybe your loved one is going through something real, and isn’t just looking to dampen the joy of others, or to attract attention in a negative way.

Here are 5 ways the Holidays can be sad:

1. It can be someone’s first holiday without a loved one. Either that loved one passed away, or perhaps from divorce.  Because the holidays have been filled with such joy and family over the years, it can really highlight that person’s absence.
2. It can be during the time that a loved one passed away. It always breaks my heart when I hear that an important person to someone I care about passes away during the holiday season.  I know that, possibly forever, the holidays will be a reminder of that horrible time when their loved one lost their life.  And, unfortunately, our bodies keep a reminder of that painful time, even if our minds don’t remember it.
3. There is always some level of letdown after such a season of anticipation, and events and celebration. There will always come a moment when we realize, ‘Oh, there are no more festivities.”  For some of us, that day is longed for!  When we can finally rest and not have to do anything or go anywhere.  But for many others, it’s a smack in the face of reality that the adrenaline is gone, and the mundanity of life has returned. 
4. For some, the holidays are extremely lonely. Perhaps your Aunt Margaret comes over for dinner the weekend before Christmas, but in reality, that is the only time she has with family or friends over the entire holiday season.  It’s annoying that she doesn’t seem in the greatest mood, but it may also be a representation to her of how much the holidays reflect the aloneness and loneliness of her life.
5. The holidays, especially around the end of the year, may also represent another year of our lives passing, and it may illuminate some deep disappointment that we were trying to stave off all year. Perhaps work didn’t pan out like we expected.  Perhaps our consistent efforts to conceive a child still haven’t come to fruition.  Perhaps an adult-child of ours decided not to show up for any family gatherings.

CAN COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE, TN HELP WITH SADNESS DURING THE HOLIDAYS?

Therapy with a licensed professional counselor in the state of Tennessee can be helpful for sadness during the holidays in several ways.  But first, I want to make a disclaimer.  Sadness is never an excuse or justification for treating someone poorly.  If a family member or friend of yours is treating you poorly this holiday season, you don’t need to just automatically move towards empathy and understanding for them.  They need to understand that their actions cause hurt and harm, and they need to be responsible for their actions.

When we are able to talk openly and non-defensively about our pain, and there is a person there to listen and care, usually the depth of the sadness doesn’t feel as intense.  When we are sad, we usually don’t want to spread our sadness to others.  However, in the therapy room, the therapist is trained to listen with a compassionate, but also helpful ear.   A good therapist will make you feel heard and understood, while also engaging your story in a way that helps you gain some altitude and perspective on the situation.  We can’t move towards perspective, unless we feel heard and known.  Most people who are sad, don’t want to be sad!  But, they don’t know how to move through it.

FINDING A LICENSED COUNSELOR IN NASHVILLE OR THE STATE OF TENNESSEE           

If you or a loved one is experiencing sadness during this holiday season, don’t get down on yourself.  There are many reasons to be sad, and sadness usually doesn’t give us a choice: it just shows up and makes itself at home.  If you are looking for a counselor in the greater Nashville area, then Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville would love to chat with you.  Chris has been practicing in Nashville for over 15 years and has worked through many holiday seasons.  Chris can be reached at: (615) 800-9260 with call or text, or he can be reached via email at: chris@nashvillecounselor.net.