– Learning to Fight in Pre Marriage Counseling in Nashville TN

Last Updated on March 5, 2015 by Chris Roberts

BECOMING OKAY WITH CONFLICT THROUGH PREMARITAL COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE, TN

Pre marriage counseling in Nashville, TN is such an important part of the engaged couples’ pre nuptial work.  Most people know this and fortunately, most people will do some premarital counseling before they embark on their glorious wedding day.  This article will touch on one aspect of premarital counseling in Nashville: Fighting.

The reality of marriage, and of any relationship in general, is that there will be conflict.  There will be disagreements that lead to arguments that lead to conflict that usually ends in some degree of fighting.  This in itself is not a problem.  Actually, the reverse is true: This is a good and healthy thing.  But most couples need some coaching on how and why fighting is a good thing and ways to improve the methods in which they fight and argue.

Premarital counseling in Nashville, TN is one of the best places to work on this area of fighting, because study after study has proven that couples are more open to working on themselves and their relationship when they are in the earlier stages, such as the engagement season.  One of the most preeminent concepts to be worked through regarding conflict is that fighting is Good and Healthy.  There are few people in this world who have witnessed healthy and productive fighting.  We have all watched our parents deal with conflict and fighting in typically unproductive and unfruitful ways.  And because we have seen our parents’ relationship suffer and deteriorate through conflict, we believe we should avoid it and do everything we can to keep it from surfacing.  The deep error in this belief is that when conflict does come, which it ALWAYS will, we are not prepared or expectant of its arrival.  Two things will inevitably happen when conflict surfaces where we believe it shouldn’t.  First, we will feel that something is deeply wrong with our relationship, with ourselves, and with our spouse.  Because we believe something is deeply wrong, we will escalate to a higher level of energy and emotion, and therefore reduce the brain capacity to think clearly and see different perspectives.  Second, we will have little practice and tools available to deal with the conflict effectively and productively.  So, just helping couples come to understand that conflict is healthy and good can significantly reduce the feeling of impending doom that most pre marriage couples experience.

WHERE RUBBER MEETS THE ROAD IN PREMARITAL COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE, TN

Of course premarital counseling in Nashville goes much further than just this information.  Pre marriage counseling asks couples to openly discuss how they are already fighting, or how they are already working to hide and avoid conflict.  By asking couples to talk about the reality they are already experiencing between them, there becomes realistic and practical examples for helping them deal with the issues they are actually facing.  Unfortunately, there is no simple 3 step process for dealing with and working through conflict.  Each premarital couple is different and how they express anger, frustration, and doubt depends on a plethora of factors.  As such, at Two Trees Counseling Nashville, we also ask couples to spend an entire session discussing their family of origin and how they believe this has had an effect on them.  We are all products of our family and knowing how we were treated and how our parents treated each other will go a long way in understanding what we think about conflict and why we view it the way we do.

Premarital counseling in Nashville, TN is a beautiful and exciting journey.  It takes heart to enter into the goodness of your love together and the brokenness you have experienced thus far in your life.  But all of this together will prepare you for a better, more sustaining, more life-giving marriage.