– Learning Why We Get So Angry at Our Partners Through Nashville Individual Psychotherapy

Last Updated on April 24, 2020 by Chris Roberts

LESSENING THE POWER OF ANGER AT OUR PARTNERS BY UNDERSTANDING ITS ORIGINS THROUGH NASHVILLE INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOTHERAPY

By: Chris Roberts, MACP, LPC-MHSP (Licensed Professional Counselor) Two Trees Counseling Nashville

Whether it is particularly at our long-term relationship partners, or more generally directed at those we love and care about, we can find ourselves angry at those that are closest to us. When we get angry at those we love, we usually feel a deep sense of remorse that eventually turns into a self-aggrandizement about the ridiculousness of hurting those that we love the most. This is a cycle that most of us have experienced without any awareness or understanding of WHY it is happening. We wish and hope and make promises to never let it happen again, only to find ourselves in the same cycle just days or even moments later. But, if instead we were to be kind enough to ourselves to explore the reason this is happening, we might find some relief from this particular hamster wheel.

THE COMPASSION OF NASHVILLE INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOTHERAPY

Psychotherapy in Nashville, TN is a place where we can enter without all the typical retributions and consequences we expect when we have been frustrated or angry at those we deeply love. Nashville individual psychotherapy provides, at long last, a curious place that seeks to understand and clarify our actions, rather than rushing to judgment or condemnation. In that place of curiosity, we can begin to understand that it isn’t solely because we are so “bad” that we get angry, but oftentimes has far more to do with our fragility.

Whenever we fall in love, without knowing it, we become ever more and more dependent upon that person to whom we have given our affection. The longer we are with that person, the more in love we feel, and the more dependent we become on them. This is a normal and healthy part of long-term relationships. But, because most of us are unaware of the part of us becoming more dependent on them, we forget to recognize that our once individual selves has now become a relational self. When I was an individual and I became hurt or disappointed, I intuitively know that I must go home and lick my wounds and attempt to “put myself back together.” But, when live within the context of a long-term relationship, we have the intuitive wish that our partner will always be there to help us lick our wounds and share in the “putting back together” part.

THE “GOOD” PART OF BEING ANGRY

Our anger could actually be a sign that represents how dependent we have become on another. Before we were in a relationship, we longed to be together with someone else who could share the burden of being human. We longed to have someone to join us in our disappointment and hurt. One of the craziest parts of relationships is that the person we come to rely upon will also be the person that hurts us or disappoints us. Our “unaware” structure of reliance on this person will start to breakdown when we realize that this structure isn’t perfect, it has flaws, and it will let us down, too. When our structure of reliance starts to breakdown, we lash out with anger in an attempt to regain power and stability, i.e. structure, in these situations.

HOW CAN INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOTHERAPY IN NASHVILLE HELP?

With the help of a psychotherapist, we can begin to untangle the ways in which our desire for closeness and stability also sets us up for new levels of pain and disappointment. Once we become aware that there is no way to avoid this dilemma, we can learn to address these disappointments in ways that don’t sabotage all the other good parts of the relationship.

If you are wishing to find better ways to address frustration and disappointment with your partner or with anyone else you love, Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville can be of help. Chris is a psychotherapist in Nashville, TN with many years helping people find more connection and care with those they love.