– Marriage Counseling in Nashville for Those Who are Suffering

Last Updated on November 7, 2014 by Chris Roberts

MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE FOR THOSE WHO ARE SUFFERING

Whenever our marriage is in trouble, we are suffering. Marriage counseling in Nashville exists to help people acknowledge their suffering and find better ways of dealing with their pain. When we are in relationship and in love, we believe and hope that their will always be a way to give and receive love from our partner in helpful ways. Relationships exist to give us a context for loving another person (or thing) and receiving love. When we allow the fears of rejection or pain to overshadow this hope, we are definitely suffering. It is hard sometimes for us to admit that we are suffering. When we are much more aware of our fears and our hurts than of our enjoyment of our partner, we tend to shut down or lash out. Oftentimes, we don’t even realize that we are suffering. Our distancing techniques or our aggressive anger keep us from fully acknowledging our suffering. We must first accept that we are suffering, if we are really able to receive help and support.

Marriage counseling in Nashville helps couples refocus their attention on what is missing and what has been missed. Marriage counseling in Nashville attends to the ways we have been hurt in order to more honestly address the longings in our hearts. When we are hurt or dismissed by our partner, we instinctively look for fault or blame. We typically oscillate between blaming our partner and blaming ourselves. We get stuck in repetitive cycles of searching for the bad-person in the relationship. No one likes being hurt and no one wants to accept that they have caused hurt in another person. Many times, the hurt we have caused another person is by and large incidental, at least in the beginning. But as we lash our or shut down from our pain, we lose sight of the beginnings and where each of us got off track. The saying that “time heals all wounds” is one of the most false and dangerous idioms of our time. Wounds, over time, that have not been adequately addressed fester and spoil and become much worse than the original offense.

WHERE MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE COMES IN

We are all victims and we are all perpetrators. There is no way around this reality. When we have been hurt, but then lash out, we are enacting both postures. We feel justified in lashing out, because we have been hurt. But when we lash out, we don’t fully accept and acknowledge our pain, and so our partner has a very small chance of understanding that we have been hurt. Same goes for when we shut own. When we are hurt by our partner, ironically, we want them to be ones to help us through our pain. This, I believe, is our true longing. However, when we react with anger or distancing, we are “showing them” that we simply want them to leave us alone or go away. If our partner obliges, we are left more hurt. Our reaction of anger or pouting is trying to communicate to them that we are suffering, but in very difficult language to interpret. And by difficult, I mean almost impossible.

Marriage counseling in Nashville can help couples re-word and re-frame how they are communicating their hurt and fear. Perhaps the partner that has been hurt doesn’t want their partner to help them through their suffering, but I find this is very rarely the case. In actuality, the suffering partner who believes they don’t want their partner to help them in their pain is really suffering from years and years of misinterpreted signals and no longer believes there is hope. As long as both partners are willing to come to marriage counseling in Nashville together, there is ALWAYS hope. Always. It then becomes difficult for partners to admit to this reality as well.

If you are in a marriage that feels more like suffering than enjoyment, then perhaps marriage counseling in Nashville could be of help to you. If there is so much distance between the two of you, or anger seems to be the only emotion left, then marriage counseling in Nashville may be your last resort to finding a way back together. Chris Roberts is an experienced, licensed marriage counseling in Nashville and is ready to talk with you regarding your relationship. Chris can direct you to the help you need to get your marriage back on track.