– Misunderstanding Our Partner’s Intentions Through Marriage Counseling in Nashville

Last Updated on May 4, 2023 by Chris Roberts

MISUNDERSTANDING OUR PARTNER’S INTENTIONS THROUGH MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE

People are complicated. We are all unique, and we see the world particularly through our own perspective and lens. Marriage only intensifies this reality. Marriage counseling in Nashville can be a wonderful place for individual partners to expand on their own perspectives and take time out of their busy day to learn more about their partner’s particular lens. In essence, no marriage will survive without these two specific categories. We have to do the hard work of becoming more and more aware of our own perspective, AND we must be willing to put our own story aside to understand our partner’s lens. Most people tend to lean towards one side or other. Either, we focus most primarily on our own perspective, or we sacrifice our interpretations in order to focus primarily on our partner’s lens. It’s so much easier to do one or the other. It is terribly frustrating and hard and exhausting to do both. Yet, in order to have a marriage that is enjoyable and deeply connecting, we must do both.

So many misunderstandings happen between a couple on an everyday basis. One partner says, “What do you want to do for dinner?” This partner believes they are inviting their spouse into a conversation about dinner that they can discuss together. This partner is reaching out to their spouse and communicating, “Let’s do this together!” However, the possibility exists the other partner hears, “I need you to make a decision about dinner, because I don’t want to.” The other partner immediately becomes frustrated and distant, because they don’t want to be solely responsible for dinner, or they don’t have any preference for dinner either. The other partner feels pressure and hears a lack of planning on the initiating partner’s behalf.

What a terrible misunderstanding, right? Yet, if the above scenario plays out, can you already predict where the “conversation” is going to go? It’s going to turn into an argument. The receiving spouse may respond, “Why do I have to be the one always making a decision about everything?” The initiating partner may then say, “What is wrong with you? Why do you always turn everything so negative?” And off they go down the spiral of blame, accusation, and distance. And to think it all started with a request to join together in discussing dinner! This is not too unrealistic. In fact, although the details have been changed, this is a very common scenario I see in my office.

Marriage counseling in Nashville can help couples slow down the argument spiral and get to a softer place where each spouse is willing to hear the original intent of a partner’s request. Requests are meant to join, but all too often, they create rift and struggle. In fact, any time we ask a favor of anyone, we are ultimately asking them to be a part of our life. But, favors and requests can feel overwhelming, daunting, and exhausting. Arguments and disagreements can happen so fast, we don’t even realize we are fighting until we have been enacting the fight for 10 minutes. 10 minutes into a fight is a long way from peace and rest. It’s hard to settle things down once we get stuck in a pattern of blame and fear.

Too many of these interactions and we lose hope of having a helpful conversation around these topics. We can begin to lose the feeling of love and connection that we thought was assured us in our marriage vows.

Marriage counseling in Nashville can be so beneficial in helping each partner describe where things have gotten off track and settle back into the love and care they expect from each other. If you are looking for marriage counseling in Nashville, Chris Roberts would love to talk to you more about your situation. Beginning marriage counseling can be a daunting task, and Chris can help answer any questions you might have about the process. Chris is a licensed professional counselor in Tennessee who has worked with many marriages in this area.