– Relationship Counseling and Curiosity

Last Updated on May 15, 2018 by Chris Roberts

RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING LEADS TO BOTH CURIOSITY AND ANXIETY

References “What Happy People Do Differently,” in Psychology Today, August 2013, by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener.

The leading cause of relationship breakdown is boredom.  Relationship counseling can itself be an antidote to this problem.  One of the chief complaints I hear from relationship partners in my office is that they feel uncomfortable, or anxious, or worried about how the session will go, or what their partner will say, or what they will say.  This uncomfortable feeling usually carries some component of anxiety within it.  Most times when people come to counseling with anxiety issues they are looking to alleviate or eliminate their anxiety, because it causes stress and tension and reduces overall productivity.  However, there are times when certain levels of stress can actually create just enough uncomfortability to help people see things in a different light.

Relationship counseling carries within it just enough anxiety that each partner may actually be more open to seeing things differently in their relationship.  In a recent article in Psychology Today by Kashdan and Biswas-Diener, they argue that curiousity is what is needed for a person to be the happiest they can be.  They write, “Happy people, are, simply put, curious….Yet curiosity—that pulsing, eager state of not knowing—is fundamentally an anxious state.” (p. 53)  So, in order to be happy, we must be curious.  But in order to be curious, we must also be willing to endure some measure of anxiety.  If boredom is the source of relational failure, then curiosity is the action of relational success.  Curiosity simply means being willing to believe that there is more to learn and know in any situation.  As humans, we have an unending appetite for knowledge and wisdom and newness.  But just as much so, we desire comfortability and stability and security.  It is a perilous balance as we seek to find some stability in life, while also pushing the envelope for something new and exciting.

Relationship counseling can put couples in front of the curve for engaging in new and exciting opportunities before the stagnation between them leads to boredom and frustration.  Because of the inherent anxiety in addressing new and difficult conversations between partners, there is increased curiosity and thereby increased hope and freshness in the relationship.  Curiosity is not the easiest state of mind to stay in all the time.  Presumably so, because of the anxiety of not being in control and not knowing the outcome.

Relationship therapists are trained at negotiating a healthy balance of curiosity and stability between couples.  Relationship counseling can help a couple navigate the difficult terrain of being in love and staying in love.  Relationship counselors can point out the areas to partners where they have given up the possibility of seeing things differently.

Chris Roberts works as a relationship therapist in Nashville, TN.  Relationship counseling can give your relationship the spark it needs to see your partner in a new and different light.  If you are in Nashville, Tennessee and looking for ways to improve your relationship with your significant other, we would be happy to work with you, or point you in the direction of someone else in the Nashville area!