– Relationship Counseling and Risk

Last Updated on June 21, 2016 by Chris Roberts

LEARNING TO RISK IN LOVE THROUGH RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING

References “What Happy People Do Differently,” in Psychology Today, August 2013, by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener.

There are many ways that people think about risk, and relationship counseling is not generally one of them.  Risk usually involves some death-defying feat like sky-diving or white water rafting.  Often when we think of risk, we think in terms of creating momentary experiences of fear or fright in order to have a fun “rush,” or to have a story to tell other people about.  And this is no less than true.

But in love, there must also be continual acts of risk, or it will become boring.  Relationship counseling can be an arena where partners learn how to risk appropriately, in order to create contexts for newness and freshness in their relationship.  In an article in Psychology Today by Kashdan and Biswas-Diener, they write, “Curious people generally accept the notion that while being uncomfortable and vulnerable is not an easy path, it is the most direct route to becoming stronger and wiser.  In fact, a closer look at the study by Kashdan and Steger suggests that curious people invest in activities that cause them discomfort as a springboard to higher psychological peaks.” (p. 53).

The act of relationship counseling itself can be risky, because it sets each partner up to intentionally look at their relationship and face things head on, that might otherwise be kept under the carpet.  The article referenced above deals with the question: What do happy be do, to be happy?  The number one reason cited in this article is RISK!

As humans, we are all wired for excitement, entertainment, and connection, among other things.  But in our connections with other people, if we lose the experiences of excitement and entertainment, we will become bored and either act out, or leave.  What usually happens in relationships is that we look for excitement and entertainment outside of the relationship.  Whereas we originally fell in love with this person because of the excitement and entertainment, we have now deemed them boring and decide to look elsewhere.  It’s easy to see the inherent cycle in this pattern, and how it is never-ending, unless we decide to look for entertainment and excitement within the relationship.

Relationship counseling is based on the premise that some intentional discomfort through risk within the relationship is exactly what is needed to keep the relationship alive and healthy.   Relationship counseling can teach partners how to risk in ways that they already long for, and thereby create the entertainment and excitement they crave.  Risking in relationships is based on vulnerability and curiosity.  The question is whether or not you are willing to learn something new about your partner that you didn’t already know before.  People are infinite and endless.  Will you take the risk to believe this is true about your most important loved one?

Relationship counseling does not have to mean sitting across from another person and working out frustrations with them.  Relationship counseling can mean learning new ways to interact with each other that involve risk and playfulness.  It can mean being expectant and hopeful that the person you are with is as fun and creative and spontaneous as the first day you met them!

Chris Roberts is a relationship counselor in Nashville, TN and would love to be of help to you and your significant other.  If you are looking for relationship counseling in Nashville, Tennessee please feel free to give us a call.  We would be happy to work with you, or point you in the direction of someone else in the Nashville area!