– Relationship Counseling for Friendships

OUR FRIENDS CAN BE SOME OF OUR MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS

References “What Happy People Do Differently,” in Psychology Today, August 2013, by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener.

In a recent issue of Psychology Today, two authors, Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener tackled the difficult of issue of understanding how happy are: Happy!  Relationship counseling can be used by a variety of people for a variety of reasons, but an issue not lost on any of us is: How to be Happy?  There is an age-old adage that happiness is not the most important factor for a person to pursue.  Or there are is a vast, semantic range of “better” things to pursue like, Joy, or Peace, or Richness, but for the moment, let’s just assume that Happiness is a valuable characteristic to develop.

Many times relationship therapy is about a couple who is experiencing difficulty in their relationship and turns to a professional for help in reducing their conflict or tension.  But counseling for your relationships is much more diverse.  I’ve found in my practice that conflicts amongst friendships is very prevalent, but even in therapy, people are reluctant to talk about these difficulties, because they deem them as lesser, or not as significant.   However our society has deemed these friendship relationships is lesser is not our discussion here, but suffice it to say that if you don’t have valuable friendships, even outside of your primary relationship, your quality of life may be adversely effected.

A relationship counselor can help an individual who is struggling with a deteriorating friendship, or both friends can attend the therapy session and work on their conflict.  Friendships are important, and knowing how to be a good friend is well worth the time and effort.  Kashdan and Biswis-Diener write, “New research reveals a less intuitive idea about friendship: The happiest people are the ones who are present when things go right for others—and whose own wins are regularly celebrated by their friends as well.” (p. 56) They make this statement on the heels of discussing how most people understand that being supportive of friends when they are hurting or down is part of being a good friend.  But they make the point that this type of support is generally accepted as a regular part of friendships, and you might even do this for someone who is not high on your friendship list.  But celebrating someone else’s accomplishments, even if you feel insecure or jealous, is a much more difficult process.  They go on to write, “Just as we feel happier when we spend money on gifts or charitable contributions rather than on ourselves, we feel happier after spending valuable time listening to the accomplishments of friends.” (p. 56)

Chris Roberts works in Nashville, Tennessee as a relationship therapist for couples, individuals, and friendships!  No relationship is too small or too insignificant to discuss if is it causing discomfort in your life.  If you live in the Nashville or middle Tennessee area, please feel free to give Chris a call at Two Trees Counseling Nashville at (615) 800-9260.