– Repair or Perfection in Your Relationship

Last Updated on May 15, 2018 by Chris Roberts

USING RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE TO WORK ON METHODS OF REPAIR, RATHER THAN NEVER MAKING MISTAKES

All relationships have conflict.  And most have conflict on some level almost every single day.  At Two Trees Counseling Nashville, our perspective on relationship counseling is helping couples to understand better ways to repair their relationship after a breakdown, rather than focusing on ways to never have conflict.  Of course, this does not mean that we aren’t interested in the duration or frequency of arguments decreasing.  It just means we have different focus as to what will ultimately bring more and sustained happiness to Nashville relationships.

It will always be nice, and could never hurt, to work on cutting down the number of conflicts in our relationships.  But relationship counseling should be more about helping couples understand how they got into the conflict in the first place, and helping them figure out ways to discuss the breakdown once it has happened.  This, I have found, is actually the most difficult part.  Essentially, because the breakdowns and conflicts are going to happen.  In fact, the breakdowns and conflicts can be quite illuminating as to certain aspects of the relationship that aren’t functioning in the most healthy manner possible.  But the only way to ever really learn from the breakdowns is to be able to come together and talk about how and why they occurred.

This is where relationship counseling can be most effective.  Oftentimes, one or the other relationship partner doesn’t really want to sit down and talk about why and how the breakdown occurred.  Usually, there is one partner who just wants the conflict to be over and essentially, never happen again.  And that partner simply wants to learn a few tricks here and there to keep that specific conflict from ever happening again.  The problem with this type of thinking is that it doesn’t actually bring the two people closer together.  It is more of a system built on avoidance, rather than connection and communication.

But in southern culture, including Nashville, there is always an underlying influence to not engage in conflict, and not get into the messy and ugly aspects of life.  Relationship counseling is built on the premise of getting into the messy and aspects of life, because those parts of our lives are just as important as the courteous and respectful parts.  And just like in our relationships, when we put more effort into avoiding certain aspects of our lives, we are inviting more trouble and heartache down the line.

The beauty of relationship counseling is in opening each partner’s eyes to their own ugly parts and, in turn, to their partner’s ugly parts.  The ultimate hope rests on the belief that if the person who is supposed to know us best, actually does know all the parts of us AND STILL accepts and loves us, then we will feel more loved and enjoyed than we ever dreamed possible.

If you live in Nashville and are looking for relationship counseling, we at Two Trees Counseling Nashville would love to be of help.  Our goal is to bring life and connection to your relationship in ways you could never imagine.  Sometimes, that means looking at the more dingy parts of ourselves.