– The Problem with Being Right. A Nashville Psychotherapy Thought

Last Updated on June 16, 2024 by Chris Roberts

The Place Where We Are Right

By: Yehuda Amichai (translation by Chana Bloch and Stephen Mitchell)

From the place

where we are right

flowers will never grow in the spring.

The place where we are right

is hard and trampled like a yard.

But doubts and loves

dig up the world like a mole, a plow.

And a whisper

will be heard in the place

where the ruined house once stood.

It has been simply said: When is being “right” more important than being together?  It’s a rhetorical question, obviously.  The implication being that if we are more concerned with being “right” than we are in being able to be flexible and prioritize the relationship, then we will probably end up feeling “correct,” but that likely at the cost of being alone.

We all long for certainty; for an answer to all the dilemmas and difficulties and complexities of life.  We want straightforward solutions.  We want to be able to cut the problem into 2 distinct and equal portions, and compromise equally.  Unfortunately, life almost never works that way.

One of the things we have to get over with is the idea that most problems have a clear and distinct solution.  They just don’t.  And our ability to hold, and therefore more appropriately handle, the reality that most problems require understanding, empathy, and a joining with, rather than a dividing up, is the degree to which we are able to become mature.

Most couples enter couples counseling in Nashville, TN because there is a dilemma, a problem, or a complex situation where there is no simple solution.  But, because we are unwilling to consider that the problem does NOT have a simple solution, we blame the other partner that THEY are the ones keeping us from moving forward with the simple solution that we believe could easily end this situation.  And so, the problem becomes bigger and bigger, because we believe our partner is digging their heels in against us.  We believe they are not compromising.  We believe they are stubborn, and perhaps, at our worst, label them as immature.

As the poem says, “but doubts and love dig up the world like a mole…”  If we were able to see uncertainty as a form of love, or as love digging its way into our hearts, then perhaps we wouldn’t be so stubborn and scared when complexities enter our lives.  If you are looking for a therapist in the Nashville or Green Hills area, then Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville would love to work with you.  Chris has over 15 years working with individuals and couples in counseling in Nashville, TN.