– Top 3 Ways to Make a Healthy Marriage: A Nashville Marriage Counseling Perspective. Part 3 of 3.

Last Updated on May 4, 2023 by Chris Roberts

TOP 3 WAYS TO MAKE A HEALTHY MARRIAGE: A NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING PERSPECTIVE. PART 3 OF 3.

In part 1 and 2 of this series, I outlined 2 of the main areas where marriages need to be continually working and improving: Honesty and Play. I discussed how honesty is more than simply confessing all our deep, dark secrets to our partner. I then talked about how play is more complicated and intricate to our ability to have a lasting, fulfilling marriage. In this article, I will break down why commitments effect a necessary part of a healthy and happy marriage. I will also provide a greater definition of what commitment means and how it interplays with love and connection to our partner.

COMMITMENTS: A NASHILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING PERSPECTIVE

We all know that the act of a marriage ceremony is a commitment. It’s designed to be a lifelong promise to the one we love that we will stick with them no matter what may come. So, most of us are familiar with the concept of commitment. I assert, however, that we need to be continually making new commitments to our spouse and having conversations about previous commitments: both their fulfillments and failures. In either a failure or fulfillment of a commitment, we have some of the most fertile ground for genuine, real conversation. The act of commitment itself says that we value our partner in a way to bind ourselves to our word for the sake of the other. In this instance, commitment for this article means making new promises to and on behalf of our spouse.

WHY MAKE NEW COMMITMENTS?

We need to be making new and different commitments to our spouse, because we change, they change, and life changes. A new commitment expresses a concrete interest in the reality of differing circumstances. The act of a marriage ceremony sets the stage and just begins the process of commitment to our loved one. Typically, marriage vows (read: commitments or promises) are all-encompassing, large scale promises to love, to care, and to be there for our mate. But, as daily life proceeds, we need specific promises that ENACT in real time those commitments to love and care and presence.

HOW NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING CAN GUIDE

Some people may be taken aback by the concept of new and fresh commitments. It may feel like a lot. Or, it may seem to lessen the intent or impact of original commitments. The reality is we make implicit promises every day of our lives. When we say to our spouse, “I will be home after work each day this week,” we are making a new commitment to them! It’s that simple. It’s also that risky. Because, when we make this new commitment, we communicate to our spouse, “You can count on me to follow through. Therefore, you can plan your evening around the reality that I will be home at 5:30pm.” It gives our spouse stability and the ability to make a plan. Can you already feel in your gut why commitments such as these are risky? It’s because if something comes up at work, or a friend calls us last minute, we no longer have the freedom to change the plan on our own. We must now be in communication with our spouse about the possibility of negotiating a new plan. And, of course, the more often we change the plan, the less our partner is to believe us when we make a commitment like this in the future.

So many failure and fractures in marriage come from commitments like this. Many of us are unaware of the nature of these commitments and how they affect and influence our spouse. Of course, the more we disappoint our spouse, the less likely we are to make commitments like this in the future. The result of this is distance: whether we like it or not. We must be making new and tangible commitments to our marriage partner, or else we pull away and isolate. There are a million reasons why we are hesitant to make commitments to our partner, but in order to have a healthy marriage, we must push through and actually make these commitments.

Nashville marriage counseling can help couples put into perspective why there is distance, why there is a lack of communication, and come up with a plan to address these difficulties in a helpful manner. If you are noticing a lack of new commitments in your marriage, then Nashville marriage counseling could be beneficial to get you back on the right track. Chris Roberts is a licensed marriage counselor in Nashville, TN and would love to be of help.

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