– What are Attachment Styles? Thru Nashville Individual Psychotherapy

Last Updated on August 24, 2024 by Chris Roberts

By: Chris Roberts, MACP, LPC-MHSP (Licensed Professional Counselor) Two Trees Counseling Nashville

ATTACHMENT STYLES IN NASHVILLE INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING   

Attachment styles are getting a lot of attention these days.  And for good reason!  Attachment styles are the basis for how we relate to other people.  Everything we do as a human being is filtered through and processed by our attachment style.  This can sound daunting.  To add to the drama, it is also something that is set in place before the age of 2 and usually does not change over the course of our life, no matter how much time and attention we give to it.

WHAT’S THE PURPOSE OF KNOWING OUR ATTACHMENT STYLE IN THERAPY? 

Most people, unless you are self-interested in psychology and how the human mind works, won’t have much understanding of attachment styles before entering into individual counseling in Nashville.  This is absolutely fine!  And totally normal.  There will be countless things you can expect to learn about yourself and about life when going through the process of counseling at Two Trees Counseling Nashville.  Knowing our attachment style and understanding how it influences almost everything we do in relationships is a bit like locating yourself on a map (a metaphor that’s never been more apropos given our incessant use of google or apple maps to get us where we are going!)

If we are sitting still, in our own orbit, doing our own thing, it’s not that important or pertinent to know where our little blue dot is on the map.  However, once we want to move, or especially, once we decide we want to go somewhere, we have to locate ourselves in relation to the place we are wanting to go.  Only in movement, and a desire to reach a certain place, is determining our current location become top of mind.  Our current location determines how far we are away from our desired destination, how long it will take to get there, which determines when we need to leave, perhaps mode of transportation, and will definitely impact our sense of urgency about getting there.

IS ATTACHMENT STYLE IN PSYCHOLOGY COMPLICATED?   

The basic answer is No!  However, once you start to get into the details, there are countless tributaries and off-shoots you can take to explore a deeper dive into the concept.  In my mind, there are only 2 basic attachment styles: anxious and avoidant.  And we ALL fall on a spectrum of one of those 2.  A quick glance on google about attachment styles will reveal at least 2 more styles.  Most basic guides on attachment style will list 4 basic styles: anxious, avoidant, secure, and disorganized.  For the basis of this article, we will simply focus on 2: anxious and avoidant.

THE ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE IN COUNSELING

The anxious attachment pattern is recognizable in an individual as the persistent awareness and attunement to the object of their desire, often their partner.  The anxiously attached partner has this constant pinging security alarm going off in the brain that wants to know their partner is okay, and that the relationship is okay!  Whenever the anxiously attached partner feels any uncertainty or wavering in the relationship, or perceived distance by their partner, they will simply reach out to their partner for reassurance that everything is okay!  In the beginning of a relationship, this can feel really good to be the partner of an anxiously attached person, because I will feel prioritized and attuned to.  However, over the long term course of a relationship, if the anxiously attached person does not become aware of their attachment pattern, they can overwhelm their partner with constant pinging for reassurance and well-being.

THE AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE IN COUNSELING

The avoidant attachment pattern is not named accurately, and I wish the psychological community could come up with a new name.  Avoidant attachment partners feel the SAME level and intensity of a pinging security alarm going off in their brain- they just move AWAY from their partner, rather than reaching towards them, as the anxiously attached partner would more likely do.  Why calling this style “avoidant” is a problem and misnomer, is because it insinuates these people are apathetic to relational connection or disruption.  This is not true at all!  Think of it more like 2 magnets.  If there is a north pole and a south pole, then the two magnets will snap together with force and power!  However, if there are 2 south poles, or 2 north poles, the magnets don’t just lack the snapping together force.  They actively force each other apart!  There is still the SAME ENERGY activated between the 2 magnets.  The same amount of energy and force is still present.  One combination simply snaps them together, while the other combination actively forces them apart.

DO ATTACHMENT PATTERNS SHOW UP IN THE THERAPY ROOM IF IT IS JUST THE THERAPIST AND THE CLIENT?

The simple answer is Yes!  Attachment patterns show up whenever there is intimate energy between 2 (or more) people.  In this case, “intimate” simply means anything more than a casual interaction with another person.  It shows up with our family members, our best friends, work acquaintances that influence and affect our daily life, and yes- with our therapist!  A good therapist will be able to identify pretty quickly what your attachment pattern is.  Well, that’s not fair to say.  Some therapists don’t put much stock into attachment styles, and so they wouldn’t be looking for it!  And for the record, it is not good or bad whether a therapist utilizes the theory of attachment styles.  It is simply one way of understanding how humans interact, relate, and get stuck in life.

DOES CHRIS ROBERTS WORK WITH ATTACHMENT STYLES AT TWO TREES COUNSELING NASHVILLE?

Attachment styles aren’t the only or even the primary lens through which I engage the counseling process.  However, it is a theory that I am considering throughout the therapeutic process.  If a client is interested in discussing their attachment style, or if I believe bringing their attachment style to the forefront of our work will be directly beneficial to the client, then we will definitely talk about it.  And we will explore your patterns, the strengths and weaknesses of your style, how and where it developed, and look for ways to expand your use and understanding of attachment styles in order to give you more agency for how you engage those you care about the most.

REACHING OUT FOR THERAPY AT TWO TREES COUNSELING NASHVILLE

Chris Roberts has been practicing in Nashville, TN for over 15 years.  Chris would love the opportunity to speak with you more about your concerns.  He can be reached at: chris@nashvillecounselor.net, or (615) 800-9260.  Chris currently has some limited availability for a counseling session both in-person and virtually.