– What Happens in Nashville Marriage Counseling When One Partner Wants Out of the Marriage

Last Updated on May 4, 2023 by Chris Roberts

WHAT HAPPENS IN NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING WHEN ONE PARTNER WANTS OUT OF THE MARRIAGE?

Its always a painful situation in Nashville marriage counseling when one partner no longer believes they want to remain in the marriage. It’s typically painful for both partners, but the partner who wants to keep the marriage alive is usually left feeling quite bewildered and confused. The partner who wants to stay in the marriage has questions like: Why am I the only one who sees value here? How do I keep fighting for the marriage when the other partner clearly wants out? What’s wrong with me that I want to stay even when the other person wants to leave? Is there anything I can do? How do I agree with the decision of my partner, when I don’t want what they want? These questions, among many others, are constantly swirling around in the head of the marriage partner who wants to stay and continue to fight for the love and connection in the relationship.

There instantly becomes an imbalance of power when one partner states that they want out. The spouse who wants to stay will immediately feel incredibly vulnerable, exposed, and helpless. The partner who wants to leave holds the ultimate trump card and has explicitly stated they will use it. This, unfortunately, is not uncommon in my work with married clients. It often takes a crisis such as this to get people to enter the uncomfortable doors of marriage counseling. The good news for both partners is that if they are BOTH at least willing to come to the Nashville marriage counseling session, it means there is still some glimmer of hope. If one spouse has stated they want to leave, it is usually the last straw for them. The partner who wants to leave believes they have exhausted all resources and there is nothing left, but to work on an amicable ending. However, if both partners are able to come to at least one session together, the partner who wants to leave may be implicitly saying they are willing to hear the other partner out one last time.

These sessions, where one partner has stated they done with the marriage, are incredibly fragile and tenuous. The partner who wants to stay knows, either consciously or subconsciously, that there is a ticking clock, and it will take something borderline miraculous to keep the marriage together. The partner who wants to leave has one toe in the door, and nine toes, both arms, and most of their heart outside the door. Sometimes, the spouse who wants to leave may not even be aware of their one toe that is actually inside the door. Both partners are keenly aware of an imbalance of power, whether they can put words to it or not.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IN NASHVILLE MARRIAGE COUNSELING?

If you are in a marriage where one of you wants to leave, the real question is: Are you aware of what you are giving up and what you are gaining if the marriage were to end? This is an incredibly difficult and soul-searching question. There is no right answer. There is only authenticity. At this point, if one of you is willing to leave, there is no more reason to hide, or be careful, or dance around the issue. The time of leaving is the time for the most clarity of honesty: For your own sake, and for that of your spouse. Can you both come to the session willing to lay everything out on the table? Can you both come to the session honest about your intentions (one wanting to leave, the other wanting to stay), and yet be ruthless in your honesty about why you believe what you believe? And can you both come with at least the tiniest bit of grace to hear something of what the other partner is saying? If these three criteria can’t be met, then the session most likely won’t be helpful for whatever conclusion you reach.

When one spouse states they are truly willing to leave, it marks the ending of whatever you used to have in your marriage. The ending may be divorce. But the ending may also mean a new way of living and loving together that will no longer repeat the same patterns of the past. Either choice will be extremely difficult.

If you would like some help in Nashville marriage counseling for your struggling marriage, please don’t hesitate to give Chris Roberts a call at (615) 800-9260. Chris Roberts is an experienced Nashville marriage counselor who has worked with many couples in this situation and would love the opportunity to help you both through this difficult process.