– What If I’m the Passive Partner?

Last Updated on May 23, 2018 by Chris Roberts

DISCOVERING MY OPTIONS IF I REALIZE I AM THE PASSIVE PARTNER THROUGH NASHVILLE COUPLES COUNSELING

By: Chris Roberts, MACP, LPC-MHSP (Licensed Professional Counselor) Two Trees Counseling Nashville

In most long-term relationships, there is a passive partner and an assertive partner. Obviously, this is a mass generalization, and with all generalizations there are outliers. But if we grant there is a binary reduction into passive partners and assertive partners, what might one do if they learn deep into the relationship that they are the passive partner? This can be a phenomenally helpful platform to delve further into the intricacies of your relationship.

To begin with, if you and your partner have the courage to explore your relationship on this level, you are already heading in a really good direction! It can be difficult to name these differences in our personality, but it is extremely helpful when learning to develop new ways to improve your relationship. More than likely, this particular pattern of a passive partner and an assertive partner won’t change. And just being able to accept that reality can do wonders for a couple. You can both drop the illusory expectation that one day your partner will become the soft-spoken, laid-back person you are and wish them to be! Once you free yourself from this ideal, you can get to the work of appreciating and working with the actual type of person they will be in this relationship with you.

USING NASHVILLE COUPLES THERAPY TO HELP

If you have already begun the work of understanding how you relate to your partner, a Nashville couples therapist will be quickly beneficial in helping to shape your expectations of yourself and your relationship. The passive partner will almost always defer to the their partner as a first response to a choice or decision. While sometimes this may be due to their indecisiveness or insecurity, it may have far more to do with the reality that they just don’t’ have a strong opinion in this realm. What an assertive partner can begin to appreciate is that the passive partner is far more flexible than them, and to accept the gift the passive partner is offering.

When the two of you become stuck, because it just leads to major frustration on the part of the assertive partner, a couples counselor can enter the fray and help remind each other of the benefit they both bring to the relationship. It will always be difficult for the assertive partner to remember that the passive partner doesn’t have a clear or strong opinion on most issues.

USING RISK TO CREATE VULNERABILITY AND CONNECTION          

It will always take a certain level of risk for a passive partner to make a decision before they are ready, or about a topic that doesn’t deeply interest them. As such, if a passive partner is willing to take risks and make those decisions that are out of their comfort zone, they may find new avenues of connection open up between them. One of the massive benefits of the passive partner making a decision is that it relieves the burden of all the decisions falling to the assertive partner. It can be easy for the passive partner to forget that the assertive partner doesn’t like making all of the decisions all of the time.

If you are finding out you are the passive partner in a relationship and wanting some guidance in increasing intimacy and connection with your more assertive partner, then couples counseling in Nashville could be beneficial!!