– Why Being Passive Can Be Harmful to Those Around You

WHEN YOU ARE PASSIVE , YOU CAN STILL BE HARMING THOSE YOU LOVE: A NASHVILLE INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING PERSPECTIVE

For many people whose primary method for interacting with life is to stay on the fringes, they may believe that, at least, they are not harming others. Most people who are aware they are passive understand they may be missing out on certain aspects of life, because they aren’t front and center. Typically, however, passive people don’t want to accept the reality they also cause harm and hurt to those they love and those that love them. How is this possible? If they just “stay out of the way,” how could they ever do harm?

LEARNING HOW PASSIVITY CAUSES HARM THROUGH INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING

If you are a more passive person in life, there are actually fundamental reasons and causes for why you have chosen to show up in life in this way. Most passive people don’t spend the time to understand that their passivity is a choice. Most passive people will say they are “shy” or “anxious” or “indecisive.” These descriptions are usually highly accurate. However, most passive people stop at these descriptions. There are circumstances and stories and events that have happened in their life that have led them to believe that being passive is the only or best way to deal with life. But being passive can also be cowardly. Being passive can also be a way to shirk responsibility when it comes to owning the choices and decisions they have made and are making.

Whenever it comes to relationships, it is always a two-way street. Things don’t just “randomly” happen. When someone reaches out to us and we choose to not engage, we are leaving that other person vulnerable. Many passive people don’t want to acknowledge that other people have deep vulnerabilities and insecurities as well. A passive person may well believe that their shyness is the most important factor in any relationship. Shyness is real, but it also a factor of shame. When we are shy, we have an underlying belief that other people don’t want to know us deeply, even if we aren’t aware of the desire of being known. But as our loved ones reach out to us again and again, they can be left feeling there is something wrong with them. Of course, a passive individual would never WANT to create that experience in their loved ones, but nonetheless it happens.

Being passive also always gives us an excuse to back away or shut down. We don’t “mean” to shut down, it’s “just the way we are.” At least, this is what a passive person wants the other person to believe; to know.

THE HOPE OF INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE, TN

Becoming awake and aware to the harm that we may cause others is a great first step towards living a life that feels richer and more connected. Whenever a person feels hurt and rejected because of our actions, it is an indicator of how much that other person is relying on our care and attention. Passive people (on the surface) don’t want to accept that other people need them.

If you are a passive person and want to find ways of dealing with life that create joy and beauty for others, then Nashville individual counseling may be right for you. Obviously, reaching out for help through Nashville individual counseling will be extremely awkward and uncomfortable for you, but just the step of asking for help will be fundamental to you gaining better methods for loving those around you. Chris Roberts is a Nashville individual counselor with many years helping passive people become closer to those they love.