– Why Marriage Counseling in Nashville, TN?

Last Updated on February 22, 2015 by Chris Roberts

WHY MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN THE SOUTH CARRIES SIGNIFICANT CONNOTATIONS.

References “Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships,” by David Schnarch, PH.D.

Marriage counseling in any part of the country always carries some notions of taboo about it.  Perhaps not taboo in the sense that marriage counseling is wrong or negative, but taboo regarding secrecy and shame.  In the south, it seems that using counseling to help your marriage means that you have failed or that something is deeply wrong with you, or your marriage.  And there are many other resources out there to help struggling marriage partners besides counseling.  But particularly in the south, and including Nashville, Tennessee, marriage counseling can be extremely beneficial in helping a couple understand new and more empowering ways to experience the love they long for within a committed relationship.

We have talked in previous articles concerning marriage therapy about differentiation and how its principles can be extremely helpful in assisting couples to better understand the breakdowns in love between them.   In a beautiful book written by Dr. David Schnarch entitled, “Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships,” he spends much of the beginning of the book elucidating the concepts of differentiation and how it plays out in marriage.  In a succinct statement, he writes, “Differentiation involves balancing the two basic life forces: the drive for individuality and the drive for togetherness.  Individuality propels us to follow our own directives, to be on our own, to create a unique identity.  Togetherness pushes us to follow the directives of others, to be part of the group….Giving up your individuality to be together is as defeating in the long run as giving up your relationship to maintain your individuality.  Either way, you end up being less of a person with less of a relationship.” (p. 55)  This is a simple and direct statement, although the working out of this theory is a lifetime of effort.

Part of the reason why marriage counseling in Nashville, TN is significant is based on the strong cultural influence of Christianity in this region of the country. We in the south are called The Bible Belt by no accident!  One of the main, if not THE main, central tenets of Christianity is the concept of sacrifice or “giving up one’s self for the sake of another.”  In many circles of Christianity, this is taught as the singular purpose of Christ.   Christ is seen as giving Himself up in death as a sacrificial lamb to save the world from sin.  And many Christians are taught to follow the way of Jesus, and give ourselves up for others and for God.  This is a beautiful and difficult way to live life.  Living for other people and for God could be nothing less than a magnificent purpose for one’s life!  And often, at least based on the concepts of differentiation noted above, there is an additional component to life and relationships that is not discussed as frequently.

Marriage counseling in Nashville, Tennessee, especially as it relates to the cultural influences of Christianity in the south, is important, because it asks people to wrestle with the difficulties of having one’s own desires and longings that may not be wholly other-centered, or self-sacrificial.   Marriage counseling can be a safe place for some people to begin to explore how their longings for individuality and aloneness do not always have to be bad or wrong.  Marriage counseling can also help illuminate how some people’s ideas of relationship or self-sacrificing love may not be the most loving thing to do in every situation.

Marriage counseling in Nashville, TN is no more difficult or easy than in any part of the country.  But the location and culture of each region of the country brings with it a different lens in which counseling can be used.

As a marriage counselor in Nashville, TN with roots in the south, Chris Roberts understands the complexities and importance that Christianity and other factors play in creating a healthy, happy marriage.  Chris would love to talk with you about any concerns or questions you might have about marriage counseling or any other type of counseling in Nashville, Tennessee.  Please feel free to call him at (615) 800-9260.