– Why Sex in Marriage in Nashville Matters!

Last Updated on November 3, 2013 by Chris Roberts

HOW MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE NEEDS TO ADDRESS SEX!

References “Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships,” by David Schnarch, PH.D.

In any good marriage counseling, at some point throughout the duration, sex should be addressed.  Not that in any way it is the most important thing.  But research indicates that the three most common and crucial themes that affect that quality of marriages are: Money, Kids, and Sex…in no particular order!  Throw in there occupation, place of residence, and in-laws and you’ve pretty much covered the gamut of topics addressed in marriage counseling.

But for this particular article, sex will be the topic covered.  And not just sex, but sex as it relates to marriage partners, in marriage counseling in Nashville, Tennessee!  Why Nashville?  Primarily, because that is where I work, but more importantly, it is where my clients live.  And Nashville becomes a significant part of this discussion, because it is located in the region of the country known as The South.  The South, as it were, is made up of a million different influences, but none more prominently so than the two forces of Religion and Hospitality.

In a masterful, but lengthy book entitled, “Passionate Marriage,” by Dr. David Schnarch, he embarks on the conversation of sex in marriage with these wonderful words, “The notion of “saving the beauty of sex for marriage” suggests that the beauty of sex…is in sex.  You can extract it with the one you marry—if you’re in love and technically proficient.  Share it with the wrong person and you can’t get the beauty out, or you damage it forever.  Or so this well-worn idea suggests.  Here’s my point: there’s no beauty in sex—the beauty is in people.  You can’t save the beauty in sex, you have to put it in.” (p. 75)

No matter what context a person is involved in, religion, and more specifically Christianity, influences that context in significant ways.  Especially in marriage counseling in Nashville, TN, religion provides an important undercurrent because churches play such a vital role in teaching moral values and character development in the south.  Even if you are not a Christian or did not grow up in church, most of the people you are surrounded by did grow up with that influence.  As such, the predominant view of religions in the south, and particularly Christianity teaches abstinence as the sole means of talking about sex before marriage.  And abstinence is a perfectly legitimate context for talking about sex, except that it usually entails the absence of discussing sex at all, besides all the negative aspects and dangers of sex.  The assumption underlying this barrenness of conversation around sex is that once you are married, sex will all of the sudden become magical, and wonderful, and amazing!  Sex is amazing and magical and wonderful…but it takes work!  And it takes lots of practice, and conversation, and discussion.  So, understandably, there is a massive gap between the belief in sex and the practice of it.

Marriage counseling in Nashville must also address the hospitality of southern culture that permeates every situation.  Hospitality is a wonderful thing, and we are nowhere more proficient at it then here in the south.  The underlying premise of hospitality is warmth and niceness above all else.  Again, nothing wrong with this idea whatsoever!  Except that often niceness belies the other part of being human which entails passion, and excitement, and irrationality, and fierceness which live in the heart of every person.  So as southerners, and us living in Nashville, TN, it can be very easy to dismiss these wild and passionate part of ourselves that does not line up so seamlessly with niceness and warmth.  And anyone with experience in sex, or any type of sexual interaction, know, at least intuitively, that niceness and sweetness do not encompass the full experience of being sexual.  So, there is this massive dilemma of being nice and sweet, while dealing with the urges and passion of the sexuality that innately lives inside us.

This is where marriage counseling in Nashville, TN becomes so important, and where so many breakdowns in marriage occur.  How can we expect a couple to deal with the complexities and urges and desire of sexuality within a marriage when they have had little conversation or discussion about the explicit intricacies of sex?

If you live in or around the Nashville, Tennessee area and notice that the complications of sex are causing discomfort in your marriage, then I would ask you to consider the help that Nashville marriage counseling could offer.   We at Two Trees Counseling Nashville would love to be of assistance to you either with a brief phone conversation to point you in the right direction, or to work with you and your marriage in a therapeutic session.  It is never easy to admit that things aren’t working in your marriage, but sometimes just understanding how you arrived at this place is the best beginning for getting your marriage back on track!