– Why We Can’t Get Over Old Relationships Through Individual Counseling in Nashville

Last Updated on August 16, 2015 by Chris Roberts

WHY WE CAN’T GET OVER OLD RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE

Some people say that past romantic relationships haunt us, or tempt us, or always suck us back in. There is usually one old flame that visits our daydreams and our nightmares. Sometimes, the relationship has just ended, and it makes sense that it is difficult for us to get over it. Sometimes, the relationship ended decades ago and we still think of them often and especially when we don’t want to be thinking of them anymore. Why is this so? And why is this so common?

Individual counseling in Nashville can help us get to the bottom of why these old relationships still haunt us, still cling to our hearts in a way that makes us feel sometimes that maybe they never ended. For most people, these old relationships ended clearly. There was specific and adequate closure. “It shouldn’t be this difficult,” we think. We want to move on, but we can’t. We want to forget, but our hearts won’t let us. Typically, we can cite all the reasons why this past relationship was not good for us, or didn’t provide us the long-term relationship goals we were seeking in the first place….and yet, still they linger.

Through individual counseling in Nashville, clients can take a bigger step back and start to untangle all the strings that may still be attaching them to this past partner. Oftentimes, we are unaware of all the strands that still tie us to old lovers. But even more so, relationships provide a balm and comfort few of us are able to recognize. As humans, we all deeply dread loneliness, even if it stays far outside our consciousness. Loneliness is the current we all swim in, regardless of whether we recognize it or not. Relationship, even dysfunctional ones, provide some relief from this ever present fear of living life without a loved one by our side. The more dramatic the relationship, the further from loneliness we have to feel. Drama, even violence and abuse, gives our life so much context, so much energy, that we may long for that level of drama over listening to our own, lonely heartbeat(ache).

CAN INDIVIDUAL COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE HELP US MOVE FORWARD?

The goal of individual counseling in Nashville is to help people understand the context of their life in more tangible ways, so that they can evaluate the choices they are making against the hope of the type of life they want to create. So, at least in the beginning, the goal of individual counseling won’t be to simply help someone move past an old relationship. The goal will be to help the client understand and identify why they keep clinging to this old relationship. Once the client has a better grasp of what this relationship means and has meant to them, they can then make a more informed decision of how staying attached to them affects their life. In most of life, the more desperate we become, the less able we are to make effectual decisions in our life. This means that if the only thing we can see right now is getting rid of the connection to our old partner, we might be able to forget about them for a few days or even a week, but we won’t effectually severe the connections with them, because we don’t really understand what we are doing. If we long to be with an old lover, then somewhere inside of us there are “good” reasons why this is so. We must uncover these “good” reasons and determine just how helpful they are to our current life situation.

Make no mistake. This is difficult and emotional work. Individual counseling in Nashville can help us move towards more healthy ways of living life, but we must first look at all the ways that our choices aren’t helping us live the life we want to live. If you are having a hard time getting over a past relationship, don’t be so hard on yourself. Relationships are meant to comfort, cure, and contain us. When they end, we have to reorient ourselves to a whole new world. This is never easy to do. Chris Roberts at Two Trees Counseling Nashville would love the opportunity to speak with you more about your life and where you want to go.