Learning How to Love with Relationship Counseling in Nashville
By: Chris Roberts, MACP, LPC-MHSP (Masters of Arts in Counseling and Psychology. Licensed Professional Counselor with Mental Health Service Provider designation) Two Trees Counseling Nashville. Relational Psychodynamic Therapy Certified Therapist Trainer and Consultant.
AREN’T SOME THINGS IN LIFE JUST INNATE?
Most of us have been socialized or culturized to believe that some things in life are just a given. Like, when we are born, we just already know how to do certain things. Because these things feel so innate to our being, we don’t even question how or why we know these things. Sex is one of the first things that comes to my mind. Or, knowing how to receive or enjoy pleasure. How to be a parent..although we all wish (secretly) there was a manual. How to fall in love. That’s a doozy, but we all seem to innately know “how” to do that. How to run, maybe? How to have fun. On a basic level, I would agree that most of these things, at the very least, “feel” intuitive, or innate, or natural to our being human. We probably don’t believe we need to learn “how” to do these things. Although with most of the items I listed above, we all might agree that we could learn how to be BETTER at those things.
WHY DON’T WE THINK OF LOVE AS SOMETHING WE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DO?
Maybe the better question is: What do you think when I say, “We all need to spend time learning how to love."? Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you scoff? Is your first thought, “Who needs to learn how to love?” Or, is your first thought, “What is he even talking about? Learn how to love? I don’t even know how to think about that concept. Love? I just do it. I’ve just always done it.”
I don’t have a good answer to this question. But, what I do know, as a licensed professional counselor in the state of Tennessee, working with couples, and marriages, and families for over 16 years, is that I have clients, and thousands of other relationship therapists have clients, because of the difficulties and failures and pain caused by a lack or loss of love.
DOES RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING TEACH US HOW TO LOVE?
What I can say for myself is that when I first went to my own individual therapy back in 2003, my therapist said to me, “I realized I didn’t know how to love well. So, I decided to become a therapist to learn how to love.” And back then, in 2003, I thought that was the strangest thing I had ever heard! But, writing now in 2025, I realize it is also a phrase that I haven’t forgotten in over 20 years. “To learn how to love.”
What a mystifying concept. And yet, is there any better reason to go to therapy, whether individual therapy or couples therapy? Simply to “learn how to love.” Or, if the sole purpose or goal of therapy is to be better at loving (which, secretly, is also code for: being better at receiving love ;)
5 WAYS RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING IN NASHVILLE CAN TEACH US HOW TO LOVE
Being open to new parts of ourselves.
Learning how forgiveness impacts our ability to move confidently in the world
Putting aside (for certain moments) the parts of us that are hurt, so that we can listen fully to what others are saying.
Celebrating other’s achievements, and our own, that gets us out of a competitive mindset and into a collaborative mindset
Learning how some of the deepest moments of intimacy come through difference and contrast rather than similarities.
SO YES! RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING DOES TEACH US HOW TO LOVE!
If you are in a place in your life where you are feeling a lack of being loved, or at a loss for how to love in a manner that others feel the love you have to give, then relationship (or individual) counseling could be a good place for you. Yes, of course, if you want to do the hard work, we will delve into the painful and disruptive parts of your life. But, at least in my mind, the ONLY reason to delve into those places of your life is to free up space for you to be able to love more and better and deeper with those you are in relationship with.
Oh, and just as important, to be able to receive and feel the love that others are desperately wanting to give to you. This is one of the first lessons of learning how to love: most of us are terrible at being able to feel and receive the love others are giving to us :)
REACH OUT TO US: CHRIS ROBERTS AT TWO TREES COUNSELING NASHVILLE
Chris Roberts has over 16 years as a therapist working in Nashville, TN with couples, individuals, and families. Chris can be reached at: chris@nashvillecounselor.net, or by phone at anytime: (615) 800-9260. He would love the opportunity to speak with you.